


Just You

by Sanalith



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-21
Updated: 2012-03-21
Packaged: 2017-11-02 08:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanalith/pseuds/Sanalith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akira ponders who Hikaru loves more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just You

  


_“Who is the third who walks always beside you?_   
When I count, there are only you and I together   
_But when I look ahead, up the white road  
There is always another one walking beside you,   
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded   
I do not know whether a man or a woman   
\- But who is that on the other side of you?”_

_~ T.S. Eliot, “The Wasteland”_

 

 

Sometimes I just want you all to myself.

  
I want to be with *you,* without having to think about ghosts or spirits or memories. I want to look into your eyes and see *you,* and no one else. In the afternoon, when we’re walking to my father’s Go Salon and I look behind you, I want the shadow I see to be *yours,* not that of an elegant courtier with a tall hat and formal robes.

  
I want to play against *you,* just *you,* and not have to worry about moves from another lifetime slipping into the games like kisses from a phantom lover.

  
I want you. By yourself. With me. Only me.

  
Is that selfish? Is it even possible? The two of you are so intertwined, body and soul, that sometimes I wonder if you would just be left a shallow husk if I forcibly separated you from his spirit.

  
I know you wouldn’t be who you are now if you hadn’t met him, if he hadn’t become a part of you. But every now and then, in the heat of the moment, I wish I could rid him from you so that, for at least for one split second, I would know that I was the only thing in the world that mattered to you.

  
God blessed you immeasurably by sending him to you. I know this. Without him, we never would have met. I know this, too. I owe our friendship, our rivalry, our games…our _everything_ …to *him.* I should love him for giving you to me, for bringing you into my world. I shouldn’t begrudge what little of himself he managed to leave behind in you.

  
But he’s gone, and I’m still here. That has to be worth something, hasn’t it?

  
Sometimes I just want you all to myself.

  
But as I watch you play, your fingers caressing the stones reverently and a look of intense passion burning in your eyes, I sometimes wonder, how much of you would *be* you…without him?


End file.
